Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize