remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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