worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
