I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
