she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
