Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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