No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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