can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
