airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
whose ass print is on the piano?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
