every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
