Nicole vs. Life
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
