The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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