youre lurking in front of me
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
