It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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