Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
