So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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