my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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