Tell her she can't have a vagina
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
