Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
love makes seman taste better
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
