You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
