I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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