can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
