im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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