your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
