i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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