Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
