I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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