walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
