is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
