im having a threesome with these popsicles
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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