So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
