I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
