I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
