spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
