I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
