she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
