One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
