I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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