Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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