It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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