I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You're a waste of cheezeits
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
