Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
