i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
