how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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