Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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