The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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