you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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