Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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