Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
