HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
