Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
