Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize