He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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