dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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