u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
