it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
