when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
