Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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