No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
