I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
