i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
