It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
