OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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