it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
