i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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