I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
