He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize