you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
