God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
