If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
