They should really pass out barf bags in church
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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