i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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