Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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