If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
