Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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